Feeling Drawn Back to Catholicism

 It was Christmas music.

I just felt like listening to some good old-fashioned Christmas music.  I found an old Firestone record from the 1960s that someone had placed on YouTube, popped my earbuds in, and while cleaning, I listened to this vintage mix of hymns and classic fun holiday songs.  To my surprise I found myself crying and yearning.  I knew, then, I was back on the Catholic path.

I gave up Catholicism earlier this year for a myriad of reasons.  But, as the months passed, I became very sullen and disquieted.  My prayer life fell away.  My Bibles sat mostly unopened, unread.  I explored liberalism and liberal thought, Christian feminism, Christo-paganism (if there is such a thing), and even got to points of agnosticism.  Sin came more easily and felt excusable. 

During this time my prayer was for God to not harden my heart and that I was still open to Truth.  Nevertheless, I still felt like my heart was hardening.  

Christmas hymns softened my heart.  The beauty and ministry of the lyrics spoke Truth.  The memories of the wonders and celebration of Christmastime, especially with my family when we were all in one accord celebrating the birth of our Savior, broke down those walls and the hardness that had formed.  I simply cannot live in a world without my God and my Savior.  I simply cannot function without the Holy Spirit.  I can't live an agnostic life.  It's too difficult, too empty, too sad, too bleak, too dark, too exhausting.

Christmas is going to be exciting this year!