The Lifestyle

If I could choose to order my life, right now I would probably pick something akin to a 1950's-ish light suburban Catholic neighborhood (neighbors, but decent sized yards and the ability to have some animals and a good sized garden), stay-at-home motherhood, kids in an excellent school system with like-minded kids, and a modest lifestyle with just enough money to keep up our modest home decently and perhaps one small vacation per year.

I want a unicorn, I suppose.

So, as I research Catholicism and Protestantism and delve deep into my own beliefs and faith I have to remember that I have this desired fantasy lifestyle that is perhaps bordering on idolatry if it isn't there already.  If not idolatry, then definitely a covetousness...something along those lines of being dissatisfied with my real life and desiring this fantasy life where I feel like I will finally feel at peace and happy.  Is my research into Catholicism merely part of this hope that a possible conversion will grant me this lifestyle?  It sounds silly and I can tell you the answer is no, a conversion will not grant me that lifestyle I seek.  But, I know that is something that haunts my psyche.

Ideally, my family would follow me.  No, ideally, my husband would lead us to Mass.  I wouldn't have to do much work beyond just accepting and following and raising our children up in the faith.

Realistically, I have my doubts.  I am going at this alone and I feel so very alone, and disappointed, and frustrated, and just wishing I KNEW the Truth and better yet, that the Truth went ahead of me, family and all, and all I had to do was follow and submit.