Really Bad at Lent

I was all gung-ho for Lent the week before.  I have since failed miserably.  I'm not in condemnation.  Just sort of sad at my selfishness, but working to understand my feeble humanity.  People have this misunderstanding about Catholicism that it only works with works.  Catholics accept that we are wretches, but that God is gracious and merciful and just above all.

Catholicism isn't this or that.  It is both, and.  Are we saved by grace?  Yes!  Does it take our own merit?  In a way, yes!  I cannot be saved by just being a decent person.  I NEED Christ.  But, part of that is obedience and following Him.

Think of it this way.  Yesterday, my daughter, who is ill right now mostly by her own lack of self-care, prayed that God would heal her.  I replied, "then stop making it so hard for Him!"  I was somewhat teasing.  Nothing is too hard for God, but the point was that yes, God can heal her, but she continually works to counteract that by not taking care of herself and refusing doctor's orders.  (It's so bad that part of the reason I want to homeschool her is so that I'm not losing 8 hours every weekday of monitoring her, and so she doesn't have to ignore her natural bodily rhythms to accommodate the school rules about bathroom usage and eating.)

Yes, we are saved by grace, but we cannot keep living a worldly life.  We must do good works!

I digress.....

Anyhow, I am really bad at Lent.  I have this vice of when something is restricted from me I indulge in it all the more.  Fasting?  FEED ME, SEYMORE!  No facebook, I spend HOURS scrolling until I am dizzy.  Prayer and Bible reading?  See the previous statement.  Seek God?  I google.

At least through my faults, through my faults, through my most grievous faults, I am seeing them for what they are.  They are being revealed and brought out to be dealt with and cast away.

1.  I am addicted to facebook.  I don't use that term loosely, either.  I am truly addicted to the point where I ought to just delete my account, but I run our businesses on them and most of our photos are are stored there.  Better to cut off my hand, though, so, oh whatever shall I do?

2.  I have developed media laziness and I absolutely need to retrain myself to be able to read, keep a schedule, do my chores, pick up a hobby again, instead of just grabbing my phone.

3.  I NEED to fast and pray.  Simple as that.  Nothing will come to me if I keep ignoring this need and making excuses.

4.  I must reorganize my life to a better functionality.  Right now, my life is disorganized around my humanism that refuses self-discipline, and the chores and tasks that must be done to not look like a sloth.  And I see the affect this has on myself and my family.  This entire household is subtly disordered and undisciplined beyond the bare minimum to look like functioning, decent citizens with good excuses.

All of this is coming out of my failing Lent, so that is good, too.  God can work with our short-comings if we acknowledge them and bring them to the light.