Loving October

When I was a child and we were torn from the Catholic Church and put into the Assembly of God Church, Halloween was removed from our celebrated holidays as it was "the devil's day."  No more cute costumes.  No more trick or treating.  No more candy stashes to horde or share with friends.  No more parade at school or party.  In fact, we were kept home from school.  No substitute was offered. We just sat quietly all day, since our father worked third shift and was asleep.

If that wasn't bad enough, there was an even greater issue that I only just recognized this year!

Recently, I was driving through the valley enjoying the sunshine making the colored leaves glow and blaze.  How beautiful October is!  I love October.  I love how it looks, how it feels, and I love the sense of spiritual deepening.  But, this is the first year I recall truly enjoying it and allowing myself to feel this way.  So, I dug deeper and realized something horrible.

It wasn't just that we couldn't celebrate Halloween in my youth.  It was this permeating atmosphere and attitude of HATING October.  For the entire month, I felt that I had to live in "holy anxiety" over the coming Halloween.  I felt that if I didn't live in stress and angst over every one else celebrating "the devil's day," I would not be pleasing God.  It wasn't good enough to just ignore the holiday.  I had to hate it.

October seemed grim.  The leaves and baring trees were just part of the macabre of the holiday.  I remember riding in the car and looking out the window, averting my eyes from the decorations and feeling utterly stressed to near exhaustion over the evil of it all as if my anxiety would get God to change the hearts of millions of Americans.

Then, Halloween came, and we would sit in the darkness of our home, listening to the increase in traffic and hoping no one tried to knock on our door.  We couldn't watch TV.  There were Halloween shows on.

I didn't feel quite at ease come November 1st, because this was "that Catholic Pagan holiday" and all the kids came to school with evidence of their candy stash and spray-dye still staining their hair.  Plus, I was exhausted from 31 days of stress, and I missed the beauty of October.  Now, November stood, bare, damp, dark, and grim.

But, this year is different!  I'm loving every bit of October!  No anxiety over silly decorations.  I'm not trying to placate God with my "holy anxiety."  I'm not fretting and wringing my hands.  I'm just enjoying.