The Fulfillment of Catholic Prayers

I'm not sure I could classify myself as someone who struggled with praying.  I could pray and would pray often.  Simple prayers, regular prayers, heartfelt prayers, urgent prayers, contemplative prayers, thankful prayers, but mostly requesting prayers.  In the AG church, prayer was not only taught, but frequented, expected, lengthy, and very emotional and inclusive.  One would lead the prayer, usually in a highly-charged way, while the congregation "agreed in prayer" through repetitive "yes, Lord Jesus," and other such proclamations.  Praying in tongues was very common.  Silent prayer was ordered, as well, but never really silent, as you could hear the whispers, murmurs, and tongues of those around you.  Sometimes, (though preferably often) someone would come out in loud tongues, followed by an interpretation.  This would indicate that the Holy Spirit has come and has a word for us from God.  That meant we were holy enough, faithful enough, prayerful enough, worthy enough, and "doing it right" to merit His words (which were typically a general admonishment of some sort that we weren't "doing it right."  Also note that the AG church would NEVER admit this enoughness theology because we are saved by grace, not by works and nothing we do merits God's grace.  Only Jesus....and yet, they believe very strongly about merits.)

Despite all this prayerfulness, I always felt like a hit a prayer road block.  My prayers were simple, which were fine, but not ordered or....I can't explain it.  They just weren't as deep...something was missing.

I was urged (read: pressured greatly) to "be baptized in the Holy Spirit" and receive the gift of tongues.  It finally came around 3 in the morning after praying and pacing for the reception of it.  I rejoiced, thinking I found a great way to pray when I ran out of English words or ideas.  I bragged a little, but I found myself questioning it:

I just repeated the same sounds over and over again.  When I asked about it I was told that, like babies learning to speak, they speak simply.  Over time it would change to the language of tongues.  That didn't make sense to me.  I'm an adult and the Holy Spirit is perfectly capable of granting me full tongues capacity because, after all, it is the Holy Spirit through me, not myself, speaking.

I didn't know what I was saying.  That troubled me the most.  The Bible says that when tongues were spoken for the public, there had to be interpretation.  But, here in private I had no understanding or interpretation.  What was I saying? What did it mean?  How was this edifying for me?  I honestly expected that I would at least have an idea of what I was saying if not a word-for-word translation.

And how were these sounds a language?  There wasn't a spoken rhythm, cadence, or phonetic variance to it.  It was just a fast-rattled litany of the same sounds over and over again with no sentence breaks or pauses.  What was I doing?!  And how was this chaos of the Holy Spirit?!

Oh, there's always the convenient excuse from the same people who praised, "you're doing it!" of "you probably didn't really receive the Holy Spirit, then."

It wasn't until I heard from a leading Catholic priest exorcist and a couple other Catholic sources that one of the most prominent demographics of people needing exorcism are tongues-speaking Pentecostals.  It's a practice, so full of pressure, determination, and emotion that enforces "opening up to receive" that some receive demonic spirits!

I stopped.

It was evidence enough for me, that because I didn't know what I was saying, I thus didn't know who was saying it or what I was opening myself up to.  I certainly never ever felt better, at peace, or holier, or closer to God for speaking in tongues.  I just belonged to the "tongues speaking club."

At this time I was in the Baptist church where prayer isn't very prominent at all.  It is more of a formality, rushed, simple, with little reverence.  My prayer life dwindled unless troubles arose.  I didn't like that.  But, what and how to pray!  I was stuck in a rut, a dead end.

Then....Catholicism with prayer books, novenas, rosaries, Saints, etc.  It was like I was stuck with a lame chick tract and suddenly an entire library was opened up to me!  I proceeded with trepidation because, after all, Catholic prayers are pagan and displease God.  But, how!?  They were full of humbleness, intelligence, deep psychology, and most of all, Jesus Christ!  I found prayers that Saints prayed that so perfectly described those deep feelings within me that I couldn't find ways to express!  I found prayers for certain circumstances that didn't just lead me to complaining and wanting God to fix it, but that humbled me and led me to righteousness and service.  Plus, I didn't feel alone.  I suddenly found myself joined by millions of Catholics around the world, and all the Saints in Heaven!!