Mary and Me

As I've written quite plainly, I was born and baptised Catholic, but was raised Assembly of God. It is no secret that Mary is almost a nobody in the Evangelical world, but even more so, Catholic devotion to Mary is taught as idol worship, even demonic!

When I began my journey Home to Rome, I knew Mary would be a big hurdle. My focus was more on Jesus and the Eucharist than it was on Mary. Catholics trying to be supportive assured me that any Marian devotion is non-obligatory other than celebrating required Feast Days.

Last month, in RCIA, my Faith Formation leader encouraged us to begin prayerfully considering our Confirmation Name. I had already mulled over several names in the past, but was surprised that I now drew blanks except for one name, Mary! No! I couldn't take the name name Mary! I'm hardly Marian material! I'm not a very good Catholic. I'm faulty, weak, sinful, and struggle so! I am not worthy of the name Mary!

But, there it is! Mary! Coupled with it is the strange, strong desire to consecrate myself to Mary. I think, "I can't do that! Imagine the scandal in my non and ex Catholic family!" I can be Catholic without much of any but the bare minimum focus on Mary. Yet again, there she is.

Yesterday, I went to Latin Mass for the Feast of the Immaculate Conception and there received my answer. As I watched my priest at the alter I wondered shyly what I would say to him concerning my name, Mary. It sounds so bold, so ostentatious! It's bad enough I'm one of the few women to veil at Mass, me not even able to take communion, but to then boldly take the name Mary?! Of all the saint names for ladies, I think I can take Mary! But, then I heard it. As I prayed at Mass at the Feast of the Immaculate Conception, I heard it. I'm not choosing the name, Mary. It has nothing to do with me or my choice of names. MARY IS GIVING HER NAME TO ME!

Mary, for whatever reason, is calling me. She is taking me under her mantle. Believe me, I would be content in my humanity and safer with my family if Mary stayed on the back burner. It's easier to choose another saint name. I already have the name of Tekakwitha, so it's no big deal. But, I feel it. I know it. Mary has given me her name and called me to her. Oh, I have a choice. She'll let me run, but I can't. I know that prompt, I know that feeling, I know that knowing and I know it would be wrong of me to ignore it.

I want to cry. I want to cry because I know how unworthy I am and how hard (and wonderful) this is going to be. I want to cry because I know people are going to think me immodest and holier-than-thou for daring to take the name Mary. I'll want to tell them, "I didn't choose the name Mary, she gave it to me! I can't help it!"

At Mass, I prayed and told Mary that I need a Catholic mother. My husband needs a Catholic mother. We lost ours when we were children. She needs to be that mother for us. She is that mother. I also need to be a Catholic mother and need her guidance because the last Catholic mother in my lineage died when I was in 5th grade.

I've had some marvelous encounters with Our Lady in my journey, and I'm sure many more will come. I think about my circumstances, my journey, and reflect on events, such as, why am I attending Mass at St. Mary's instead of the Catholic parish up the hill where the remaining Catholic members of my family attend? Why do I happen to live where there is a Marian shrine literally across the street from me?

The work of the Lord is amazing and I marvel that Christ, Himself has appointed His Mother to me.