Mary (N)ever Virgin?

Yesterday, on Called to Communion on EWTN, a caller asked where the origins of Mary having more children started. Dr. David Anders, in the short time he has to answer theological questions, stated that it originated during latter parts of the Reformation and really exploded in American Western Protestantism, especially Evangelicalism. He said it is also a by-product of an over-eroticism of marriage that occurred in Protestantism, and is perpetuated by the undertow within Protestantism that "if the Catholic Church teaches it, it must be untrue."

I want to focus on his second point.

One of the many reasons I left Evangelicalism behind is because of the heavily compromised and ever more worldly beliefs about human sexuality, and especially married sexuality. That is a very deep and disturbing box to unpack, and would involve language and understandings that, even put delicately, is embarrassing and difficult to express to a mixed, unknown public.

Part of this disturbing teaching, which isn't always overtly expressed in the pulpit, and, like many Evangelical heretical and damaging beliefs, is often preached against, while actually believed and practiced, is that (and yes, I heard this with my own ears) there's no way Joseph would have agreed to a celibate, abstinent marriage. In fact, he was OWED, yes OWED sex from his wife, Mary. Now, they believe he "held off sexual relations" until after her labor, delivery, and recovery, but as soon as she was purified under the Jewish ritual, it was honeymoon time! (They make it sound like it was a huge, holy sacrifice for Joseph to not have sex with Mary until after Jesus was born.) They honestly believe that not only was it impossible, but would have been WRONG for the Mother of our Living Savior to be married and stay a virgin because Joseph was owed sex by the very nature of his masculinity and libido. I actually heard this with my own ears, too: How could Joseph not have sex with this young, beautiful woman. He would have wanted to, and he did. It would have been torture to be married to this beautiful young woman and not have sex with her.

That is, indeed, Evangelical logic. Men, including St. Joseph, not only can't "help themselves" sexually, but are actually owed sex. No man, in his right mind, would agree to a sexless marriage.

Ironically, many Evangelical men complain that they are living in sexless marriages. Many Evangelical marriage books urge wives to "give their husbands sex" to fix all sorts of marriage, and yes, even his personal problems. Keep him sexually happy and you'll be less likely to deal with his immaturity, petulance, abuse, selfishness, laziness, indifference, adultery, the list goes on. Many advice articles encourage wives to service their husbands in sinful ways (spilling his seed) during times when she needs utmost care, such as difficult pregnancies and the post-partum recovery. These are prime times that Evangelical men turn to pornography and the preached antidote is for the wives to commit sexual acts that spill his seed outside of her body until that time she can receive him into her body again.

Evangelicals honestly cannot fathom that an able-bodied Joseph could have been holy enough to endure a chaste, celibate, abstinent marriage with Mary. That inability to believe and accept that Mary stayed Ever Virgin, and that Joseph was chaste, has tainted and destroyed healthy sexuality within Evangelical marriages.

Very few Evangelicals make it to their wedding day virgins.

Many Evangelicals believe that various sexual acts are not only allowable, but given by God, including sodomizing their wives. And wives who refuse these acts are sinning.

Many Evangelicals practice contraception and sterilization because it "enhances the marriage bed." Why? Because in the Evangelical mindset, the more sex that can be given to a husband without consequence (pregnancy) the better. Pregnancy, child-birth, and child rearing hinders that marital embrace. It reduces its frequency, and that is intolerable in the Evangelical mindset. They believe this in part because the men are too lazy to deal with their lust and lack of self-control. They put the onus on the wives to keep the male libido satisfied to help the men not to fall into temptations and sin.

Among Evangelicals are growing pockets of sexually perverse teachings that support polygamy, because a husband cannot be expected to go without sex too long. So, if wife 1 is recovering from childbirth, or has a headache, wife 2 is at the ready to fulfill his libido. There, too, is a growing acceptance towards certain pornographic material, and expecting wives to dress immodestly as he pleases, even in public, to fulfil his "God-given pleasure at seeing the female body." In tearing down Mary to mere every day girl who fulfilled Joseph's sexual needs, thinking of Mary sexually, Evangelical men have reduced all women to mere sexual beings. This is why a HUGE percentage of Evangelical men (especially pastors) have problems with pornography. It is now more widely accepted than ever that husbands may sodomize their wives in Evangelical marriages. Premarital sex is increasingly being seen as acceptable, because it is seen is an almost impossibility to maintain sexual self control. Sure, it's sinful, but God understands. He made us sexual, after all.

Virginity is also seen as an antiquated and quaint, but largely impossible state of being. On top of that, singleness has very little use. Men and women are expected to get married in evangelicalism. If you are single, there isn't much for you in evangelicalism. If you actually choose to be single, something is wrong with you. The idea that men and women can actually choose to be single AND celibate is beyond Evangelical comprehension. They are the first to ask Catholic priests, monks, and nuns how they can live without sex. In a conversation with an Evangelical marriage blogger, he insisted that celibate Catholic men are extremely rare and that almost all priests and monks at least masturbate regularly (but just don't tell anyone). Why? Because it is impossible in the mind of an Evangelical for someone to have sexual self-control. And that includes the mother and earthly father of our SAVIOR.

I couldn't abide by the growing sinfulness and utterly lost attitudes towards human and married sexuality in Evangelicalism. The disrespect towards women and loss of self respect and self control among the men grew more and more sickening to me. In getting over the hurdle of Mary being ever-virgin, I had to address the Evangelical teachings and mindsets in my own head.

Evangelicals won't believe in Mary's ever-virginity because it forces them to address their own wrongful ideas about human and married sexuality. It forces them to address their own lusts, selfishness, and lack of self-control. They are afraid it will humble them to true repentance which would mean giving up their frequent pleasures in favor of holiness.