I Have a Say in My Life

My husband was called away to work this morning, so it was just the kids and me getting ready for church.  I wanted to go to Mass, but the kids always go to the Baptist church with hubby and me.  I was beginning to stress out about how I would manage both churches without hubby's help.  Also, it is getting harder to go to both churches every Sunday because it feels like a tug-of-war between the differing theologies and both subtly speaking out against the other (in general Cath vs Prot terms, not specifically the two churches battling).

As I struggled with what to do and worrying about my kids protests, I realized something.  I'm almost 40 years old and I realized this:  I have a say in my own life.  I have the decision making power here.  I am the mom and what I say goes.

So, I flat out told my children that their choices for the day was between two local Catholic churches.  My oldest chose one I had never been to before, and that was our adventure.  They protested very little and we generally well behaved during Mass.  They asked questions afterwards and all said they liked it, though it felt long to them (it's shorter than any Protestant service we've attended, but I think not understanding how to follow along made it difficult for them to feel involved).  It's also hard, I know, because in evangelical churches they tend to keep your attention by relaxing etiquette and spoon-feeding you on a more entertaining level.  Music is modern and upbeat.  Sermons contain jokes or object lessons.  Kids can go to children's church, or stay in service, but color, draw, flop around the pews, and take a million bathroom breaks.

Anyhow, it was quite freeing to realize I have the choice in the matter.  Who is anyone to say that I cannot or should not pursue Catholicism when it has already benefitted me so much?  I've always followed my family, spiritually, socially, politically, and have always tried to not be an upstart or a bother to people.  It is a great challenge for me to go against them and their expectations of me.  I know they won't understand how I can begin to believe Catholic theology.  Some, I suspect, even still believe Catholicism is the Whore of Babylon, so they would think I was throwing myself into Satanism in sheep's clothing.

But, I have a say in my life.  Simple as that.  

Mother May I?

Perhaps the number one struggle of any new or seeking convert is the theology of Mary.  Real Presence, Saints, and the Catholic view of grace and salvation are also big issues to overcome.

I'm not struggling with Marian theology in that I can't wrap my head around it.  I have read articles, and listened to numerous homilies and podcasts on the subject.  I can fully accept the theology no problem....if it is True.

That's the clincher for me.  Is Mary as the Catholic Church says she is?  I must know from Mother, herself.

There is just too much at stake here, and I simply no longer trust man, denominations, or myself.

I have humbly asked Mary for a small favor/miracle, to show me that she is who the Catholic Church says she is.  If I receive this favor I will have to become Catholic.

But, what happens if I do not receive this favor?!  I have a pit in my stomach just thinking about it, and I sincerely hope Mary pulls through and gives me what I asked because I don't know what I'd do otherwise.  I would be lost.  Back to square one of my journey.

I am trying to be patient.  I asked Mary to grant this favor before the end of the year and I trust that any waiting I am doing is actually preparation.  I admit that part of needing this favor is to have a bone to throw to the any opposition I get from my Protestant family (who will likely say it is either a coincidence or that Satan could grant this favor and pretend it was Mary, but for me, I will know because I asked her, myself).

My heart aches for this to come to pass.  Almost every day I look around and wonder, "will this be it?  Here's an opportunity!  It's just a simple thing, plausible, please grant it and give me my answer I so desperately need!"

My whole journey has been seeking original truth about how I am to love and serve and worship God here on earth.  What did He establish before He ascended to Heaven?  I think I may have found it, but I just need this key to the last lock.

Mother Mary, please grant me my plea.  If you do not it means you are not there and I am once again lost.  Jesus, I seek Your Truth and only Your Truth.  Have you established Your Mother as Queen of Heaven?  If so, please, with her, grant me the favor I ask.

In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, Amen.

My Personal Modest Rules for Mass

Christ is Christ, the Eucharist is the Eucharist whether one attends the Novus Ordo Mass or the Traditional Latin Mass.  Therefore, I personally feel I should uphold the same modesty standards regardless of which Mass I attend.

Here are some of my personal rules.  Now, don't think I am judging you because I have these rules for myself.  (Ok, to be honest, I do have a bit of trouble being judgemental towards how people dress or behave for Mass, but I am sincerely working on minding my own beeswax.)

1.  Headcovering.  I can't get around it.  The explanations I have received through Sensus Fidelium about headcovering in Mass have so thoroughly explained 1 Corinthians 11 that I do not feel I can go without covering.  Now, currently, because I am not yet a confirmed Catholic, and because no one else in the parish covers (that I know), I don't want to stand out like a sore thumb or come off as pretentious, so instead of a traditional mantilla at the Novus Ordo (we only have TLM a few times per month) I wear a wide headband that can expand to cover my head.

2.  Feminine Attire.  I grew up, even in the Assembly of God Church, with the teaching that a lady wears a dress or skirt to church.  I have very rarely veered from this no matter which church I have attended.  I do have more strict sub-rules to this than I do in the Evangelical churches.

     A. At the very least to the knees, but preferably to the middle or below the knees.  Thigh should not be seen when seated, standing or kneeling.
     B. No sleeveless dresses.  A blouse can be worn beneath or a cardigan on top, but one ought to wear sleeves.
     C. Lace or sheer fabrics must be tasteful and not lure the eye towards what lies beneath, but it is safest to avoid any such fabrics on the main body of the garment.
     D.  Necklines must be no lower than 4 finger widths below the collar bones.  No cleavage or exposed plump of breast should be seen.
     E.  Skin tight should never happen, even if it is a turtle neck.
     F.  Pencil or wiggle skirts should be avoided as they hug the curves and make genuflecting more of a challenge.
     G.  Jewelry should be kept tasteful and minimal and noiseless.  Clattering bangles are a no-no.  Large earrings, loud colors, fingers covered in rings, flashy necklaces...nope.
     H.  Hosiery ought to be worn.  In the heat of the summer I don't tend to wear hosiery.  In some cultural circumstances the hosiery can be more a distraction and stumbling block than going bare-calfed.  After Labor Day I'll likely return to hosiery.

     I.  Close-toed shoes.  It just doesn't seem appropriate to me to wear open-toed shoes.  Even in work environments the dress code is typically close-toed.  Open toes are for dates and beaches and social events.  Not Mass.
     J. Modest heels or flats.  Say no to stilettoes.  I prefer a wider, lower heel (2") or kitten heel, and I try to wear basic pumps or mary janes or oxfords or ballet flats.  I'm not cat-walking down a fashion runway.  I am walking down the aisle during Mass.
     K. Slips and appropriate undergarments.  Comfortable panties (no wedgies during Mass), appropriate colored bras so they don't show through, and slips ensure modesty.

3.  Don't make noise.  I feel horrible for my parish priest because the parishoners like to slam the kneelers up and down.  BANG.  BANG.  BANG.  There is absolutely no reason or need to do that.  Even my 6 year old can raise and lower the kneeler silently.  I also try not to rattle my keys, crinkle the pages of the missal, or creak the pew.

4.  Don't wiggle.  This one is hard for me.  Out of bad habit I tend to sway a little when I stand.  I'm working on stopping that habit because it is distracting not only to me, but I am sure to those around me.

5.  Hair.  I'm old fashioned and I'm approaching 40 years old.  It seems more appropriate for me to wear my hair up than let it "flow and show."  I have long hair and it is eye-catching.  This isn't a hard and fast rule.  Some outfits and times it actually seems more modest and less showy to wear my hair down.  If I do wear it up, I try to keep it classic and not showy.  This is easy to do because I attend 8 AM Mass and I just don't have time to curl it and do anything fancy.

6.  Don't Talk!  I broke this rule at the Assumption of Mary Mass!  I had literally just posted a Sensus Fidelium lecture about why Catholics are silent in the church and about respect and not chattering before, during, or after Mass in the sanctuary.  Well, I saw someone I knew and hadn't seen in a while and out it came!  Words!  I didn't realize my faux pas until we parted ways outside the church doors.  Well, I learned my lesson.

7.  Don't Rubber Neck.  This one I am still working on.  I admit I do have a little problem with being judgmental and curious.  The other issue is that I am still unfamiliar with all that the Mass entails so I have to follow along and parrot, which is ok, but can breed a habit of rubber-necking.  I'll also notice something of someone else and find my mind starts to drift.

These are just my rules for myself.  Sensus Fidelium has a great series on Modesty on YouTube.  Check it out!

Confession from the Perspective of an Evangelical

Confession is one of those hot-button topics in the Prot v Cat debate circles.  Prots believe that all we have to do is confess to God.  We don't need a priest.  We don't need penance and reparation.

"If we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9

So many Catholics have abandoned going to confession.  They have taken on the Protestant notion that they don't need to confess to a priest.  All that we are required to do is confess to God and we are forgiven.

I'm going to admit that right at this moment I am not entirely convinced that we absolutely MUST go to confession in a Roman Catholic Church and receive absolution from a priest in order to be forgiven by God and cleansed of our sins.  I admit that I am not well-versed at all in deep Catholic doctrine concerning confession.

However, I encourage Catholics to not abandon this sacrament.  And here's why in my Evangelical background opinion:

1.  Facing our Sin.  The reason I think those Catholics abandon the sacrament of confession, and the reason why Protestants raise their hackles about confession is that we humans don't want to admit our faults and sins to others.  It is humbling.  It is scary.  It is so much easier to just keep it secret!  We convince ourselves that "God knows and forgives," but really, the heart behind it is fear of being found out.  Or even fear of having to face the understanding that what we are doing is actually a sin!  We excuse so much!  When we have to actually speak it to someone, get on our knees and confess, it really opens us up to so much...including true forgiveness and healing.

2.  Accountability.  It is a fact that if you have to confess your faults to someone in person you are FAR less likely to repeat the offense.  So many Evangelicals are steeped in besetting sins and can't seem to escape out of the abyss.  They face the confusion of the belief that they are "once saved, always saved" but that the Bible says if you are involved in these sins you cannot enter the Kingdom of Heaven.  (Galatians 5:19-21)  Going to confession can be a powerful step to help someone get out of such patterns of sinfulness.

3.  It is a Gift from God.  The priest is acting in persona Christi, which means you ARE confessing to God alone.  But God has given us this priest to work through, to be a physical, tangible presence so we aren't just blowing in the wind and wondering what has become of our words.  The priest also offers us balance in penance and reparation so that we don't do too little, or nothing at all to make amends, or so we don't go too far and beat ourselves up.  These are gifts to set our hearts and lives and minds in order out of the disorder from sin.  It is redirection back to the things of the Lord rather than things of this world.

I do believe that someone can pray to God and ask forgiveness for their sins and receive it without a priest and without a confessional.  I believe there are instances of ignorance or impossibility where God honors their true repentant heart.  But, I highly doubt that is the heart and reason behind why so many Catholics abandon confession, and why so many Protestants refuse to believe in it.  We just don't want to speak outloud our filth.  

Why Modesty? Different Reason.

Christian modesty across denominations is typically enforced by saying it helps keep men from temptation.  Men are visual creatures, more prone to lust, God made men attracted to women, so cover up those bodies, ladies.  Don't be a stumbling block!

That reason has been pounded into women for decades to the point where it isn't even really heard anymore.  Thus, so many women have gone their own way and told men to control themselves.

However, let us step away from our brothers for a bit.  Modesty is still important!  Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater!

Did you know that we should dress modestly as women for our sisters?

Yes!

We can be a stumbling block for our sisters in Christ by dressing immodestly, showing off our flesh, our physical beauty and "assets."

It's a harsh world out there for women.  It makes it even more harsh when a woman flaunts her body. I admit, it is very hard for me to feel beautiful before my husband when we've been assaulted by half-naked women just going grocery shopping.  It tempts a woman to envy, covetousness, and dissatisfaction with herself.  Yes, we are in control of ourselves, but we are also responsible for how we cause issues for our fellow human beings.

If you are sick of the whole "don't cause men to lust" argument about dressing modestly and just wish men would keep their eyeballs to themselves, please consider our fellow women.  We go through so many changes in life.  So many fears and issues, discomforts and insecurities.  It really would go a long way to helping our struggling sisters if we just dressed with decency and dignity.  It levels the field, so to speak.  It takes the focus off of our body parts and onto our humanity.  It encourages the unsure, the awkward, the confused, the complacent to know that it is ok and beautiful to dress well, to cover up.

Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil

I was praying the Our Father this morning where this portion really stood out:

"Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil"

I felt grief over it because of something that so many of us do, and so many professing Catholics and Christians continue to do without discernment or repentance.

We pray this prayer and yet we allow temptation and evil right into our homes, right into our minds!

Yes, I am talking about media:  TV, magazines, books, movies, video games, music, social media, memes, apps, and advertisements.

Now, before I go any further with this rant of sorts I remind myself that we have differing levels of sensitivities to such things.  I am more sensitive than most, so I have to work on not being judgmental towards those who may watch something I wouldn't be able to stomach."

However, I do believe there ought to be guidelines.  I think it is outright obvious that shows like Game of Thrones should not be watched by any professing Christian.  If you do not feel convicted about that show I do wonder about your walk with Christ and compromises in your life.  I also think that binge-watching is not a prudent use of one's gift of time on this earth.  This is self-convicting because while I don't binge-watch TV shows, I do find myself wasting time mindlessly scrolling through facebook.  I am actively working on stopping that and will confess that.

Fr. Chad Ripperger has a youtube video that gives some practical guidelines for Catholics concerning TV and movies:

I really really encourage all who follow Christ to prayerfully and carefully reconsider what they allow into their homes and set before their eyes.  Even if you fast forward through the sex scene or look away from the gore or know that the celebrated sin is a sin and you wouldn't do that, the movie industry doesn't know that you averted your eyes.  All they know is that you paid good money or supported through viewing what they put out and that means they should put out more of it, push the envelope further, allow more compromise, more sin, more normalcy of deviancy into their shows.

Just look at History Channel or Discovery!  They've gone from documentaries worthy of lecture halls in the world's most prestigious universities to conspiracy theories, fake news, and false-intensity lame programming that just repeats the same format.  We've gone from charming TV shows of relatable characters to the sex, blood, gore, greed, fantasy, and deviancy of so many TV shows of today.  And if that's not bad enough the commercials are vile.  Most of the time you can't even remember what they are advertising for!

I'm just as convicted!  My kids can operate a zombie game on their tablets like it is nothing, but reading a chapter in a classic novel is like pulling teeth.  They can discuss the kids on youtube playing Minecraft, but complain about going to church and just say, "I don't know," when asked what they learned there.  They can enjoy hours of Teen Titans Go (which I do think is cleverly written, but really, it is just fun, idle entertainment and certainly not for binging upon) but are bored to tears over a fascinating documentary on a subject children should find intriguing.

It makes us weird.  I know.  We don't fit in with normal society as well, but that's just it.  Normal society isn't normal!  It's a deficiency!  It is mistaken!  It is wrong!  If all we have to talk about around the water cooler is the latest 50 Shades of Grey movie, or what went wrong with Star Wars, or how to beat the latest Halo game, then we have become stupid.  Utterly stupid.  This is not what God gave us brains for.

Friendships have been broken up over Twilight!  Marriages have suffered from the porn-filled movies and TV shows out there now, or from video game addiction.  Psychologists are busy with people dissatisfied with their lives and the rampant escape from reality that we Westerners so heavily indulge in.  This is evil.  This is how evil works.  This is how evil infiltrates.  This is how evil gets into the homes and creates pockets of rot that we slowly come to accept as normal, neuro-typical, and even developmentally appropriate.

If you truly pray Lead us not into temptation, then LISTEN to the Holy Spirit!  Heed those convictions!  How can He deliver us from evil when we are the very ones opening the doors and letting evil in and giving it the seat of honor!?

Turn off the TV.  Turn off the smartphone.  Delete the apps and video games.  Save binge-watching for when you have the flu and even then be careful what you watch.

And remember, we should not be entertained by what the Lord calls sin.

Your Excuse to Leave is My Reason to Enter

The recent news of the Catholic Church's clerical sex abuse scandals and subsequent cover ups has a lot of people in and out of the Roman Catholic Church understandably hurting and confused.  Whether or not they suffered abuse or know someone who did, people are feeling the horror of this situation.  Unfortunately, this is causing some to leave the Roman Catholic Church.

For some, the abuse was so horrifying that it scattered the sheep.  My heart goes out to them.  But, I am also seeing this abuse scandal being used by the chaff as an excuse to remove themselves from their holy obligations.  They don't want to be seen as bad people for leaving the Church, so they are taking opportunity to utilize the pain of others as reasonable excuse to walk away.  To them I say shame, and you are doing exactly what the Evil set out to do.

It's bad enough that this evil has scattered the victims and their families away.  At least that is understandable as they work through this pain.  But, to blatantly allow this evil to be your excuse to bow out of your holy obligations to make yourself look better is just wrong.

I've had some concerned Catholic friends a bit worried that the latest news would drive me away from my own seeking and Mass attendance.  I assured them otherwise.  If anything, this scandal has increased my desire to enter the Church.

If the Roman Catholic Church is so false and unbiblical, then why has it stood solid for 2000 years?  This isn't it's first rodeo with the infiltration of the wicked.  The enemy attacks that which belongs to the Lord.

This reason piggy backs something I learned about Satanism.  I'm talking true Satanism, not the teenage sub culture of aesthetics that kids experiment with.  The goal of these people who worship and are utilized by Satan is to be the complete 180 of that which is Godly.  To desecrate that which is holy and sacred is their goal.

So, do Satanists have Black Worship Services?  No.  They have Black Mass.  Do they desecrate crackers and grape juice?  No.  They steal the Eucharist and desecrate the body, blood, soul, and divinity of Jesus.  They have their own sacraments.  They largely go after Catholic and Orthodox Churches with vengeance.

Seeing and learning all this really has me thinking.  If the Catholic Church isn't of the Lord, then why is evil trying so hard to mimic it in mockery and infiltrate it to destroy it?

This makes me want to join.  This makes me want to pray fervently.  This makes me want to seek the closest I can get to the original, the traditional, the most holy, the most sacred.