EWTN

I had all but forgotten EWTN until some Catholic friends of mine suggested I watch The Journey Home.

Oh, yes, good old EWTN!  A dusty memory came to mind when they reminded me of the channel.  As an AG-Protestant youth, I remember stopping at EWTN from time to time in my channel surfing and watching it curiously.  Mostly, I remember a nun talking.  That's about it.  But, I remember something in me wanted to understand the channel, the program.  Wanted to be a part of it, in the "clique" so to speak, of those who watch it and discuss it.

It's just another link in the chain of my history.  Was I always meant to be Catholic?

I never felt at home in the Protestant churches.
I wished I could have gone to Catholic school.
I envied my older brother who got to take first communion and confirmation before my parents left the Church.
I never believed the things I was told about the Catholic church, even though I accepted them from my authorities.  I always felt some knowledge or understanding was missing.

At this point I am open to the possibility that God may be calling me "home to Rome."  So, I leave it to Him in prayer.

At this point I have also prayed to God that He would have to bring my husband home to Rome, too.  We were at one accord when we left the AG church for the Baptist church.  My husband and children love the Baptist church (I do, too).  Hubby is not at all fond of the Catholic church (too many bad memories).  I cannot divide my family over this.

The "Born Again Honeymoon"

When I grew up in the AG church, I ALWAYS heard about a sort of "Born Again Honeymoon."  This was a time, after getting saved, when you feel wonderful, get all sorts of positive convictions, work on changing your life, and you have so much joy.

I never felt that when I got saved.

When I accepted Christ around age 9 (not sure when...apparently, you're not supposed to forget the day you accepted Christ, but I did.  I remember it was at a Kid's Rally) it was with two purposes:  A desire to do what was right and serve the Lord, and a desire not to burn in hell.  I remember going up front for the alter call (something shy me would normally not do), curling up on the floor, feeling the comforting hand of the rally leader on my back, and accepting the Lord.  I felt good, I believe it was a true "coming to Christ."  But, I didn't feel that Honeymoon.

(As a side note, I have long since learned that I fall terribly short of the emotional and social expectations that the Assembly of God church places on their congregants.  I'm just not naturally very charismatic.)

Ironically, though, I feel very uplifted and elated in my seeking journey and like this spiritual...I don't know...world is closer at hand.  I have visions of people cheering me on.  Not like clear visions.  Not dreams.  Not like watching a movie or experiencing it tangibly.  I see in my mind's eye, so to speak, smiling faces (though I can't see the faces) of robed bodies (though the bodies are a blur) with open arms, and a "sound" of encouragement that I can't hear, but rather feel.

I want to dig into the scripture.  I want to pray.  I want to discuss.  I want to praise.  I want to tell.  I am bursting spiritually!  It's like that "Born Again Honeymoon" I was supposed to have after accepting Christ in the AG church.  And I haven't even converted to Catholicism!

Maybe it isn't Catholicism, but just the seeking.  The true seeking and not just accepting what I am told.  Through true seeking I can truly know Christ and not just want I am told to know.

Salvation

I currently attend a Baptist church.

Baptists are known for their "once saved, always saved" doctrine.

Having grown up AG, it was emphasized how wrong Baptists are with this doctrine.  You can't say the "sinner's prayer" and then be safe from judgement, continuing on with a life of sinfulness.  The Baptists say that if you are truly saved, then you wouldn't anyway.  But, I have witnessed with my own eyes, people who were clearly saved, God loving, serving, honoring, spirit-filled who DECIDED to walk away from the faith.  They turned their back on God, renounced Christ's salvation, and became atheist or wiccan or what have you.

I'm still not entirely clear on how the Catholics view salvation.  I have heard many say, "salvation by faith, through grace in Christ Jesus."  He died on the cross for our sins so that if we believe on Him we are saved.  That's pretty much universal Christendom.  But, it seems a bit more complicated than that.

I was told Catholics don't believe in the assurance of Salvation.  Only the hope of it.

Catholics also do not believe in faith-alone salvation because the word faith means works.  My AG pastor put it like this:  faith=knowledge+belief+action.  I think Catholics would agree with that.  We can't "earn our way to heaven" with good works alone, but as Christians we ought not to skate through life, either.

One could reference the parable of the talents.  The dude who buried his talent and did nothing, God said, "depart from me, I never knew you."

So, I think AGer's and Catholics are more similar than they think concerning Salvation.

I believe we are saved by grace through faith in Christ Jesus and His sacrifice on the cross as an atonement for our sins.  I believe we must give our lives to Him through faith AND works.  (I can't just say I believe in God and live a hedonistic lifestyle, but I also believe we can't be good enough and earn our way through works alone).  I also believe we can "lose" our salvation, or that it isn't entirely ensured.  There is assurance, but also hope.  We can willfully give it up.  We can backslide and turn our backs on God.  I also believe only God can see our hearts and know for sure and decide for sure who enters into His rest and who does not.  I believe we would be surprised to see who is in Heaven and who is not.

Anti-Semitism and Anti-Catholicism in the Protestant Church

Now, if that's not a clickbait title, I don't know what is!

While there are likely some fringe, radical "Protestant" churches that are deliberately anti-Semitic and anti-Catholic, I would venture to say that most are not deliberately so.  Though, just like racism and sexism, even those who say they stand against such things are prone to systematic racism and sexism, anti-Semitism and anti-Catholicism.

Let's back up to the beginning of my train of thought.

Today, as I listened to portions of The Catholic Channel on SiriusXM 129, hosts were discussing Pope Francis' Papal anniversary.  One thing they brought up was how some people are against his papacy and others are not.  Along those lines were little discussions on the papacy being filled by..ahem...imperfect men in the past.

This reminded me of one of the arguments Protestants and even secularists have against the Catholic Church.  That is that if the Pope is truly established and chosen by God in Apostolic succession, why would there be such sinners and bad Popes in the papal office?  And if Catholicism is the faith set by Christ before His ascension, then why have so many atrocities been committed by the Catholic Church?

Immediately, I thought of King David and the Israelites.  Now, my intention isn't to argue with secularists.  It isn't to argue with anyone.  I enjoy intellectual conversation, not arguments.  I'm not trying to get anyone to believe anything...just listen and understand where I may be coming from.  But, I do want to pose this to Protestants.

How can you denounce the Catholic Church and the Pope because of the imperfections of human being even under the wing of God's establishment when the Old Testament reflects just that among Israel and her leaders?  Did God not establish Israel?  Did God not appoint King David and call him "A man after my own heart" despite his sinfulness?  Were there not kings and rulers who turned against God?  Couldn't this mirror image occur with the Catholic Church?

So, unless you are ready to denounce the Old Testament, how can you use the same argument to denounce the Catholic Church?

But, I suppose Protestants do.  We see Anti-Semitism and Anti-Catholicism in bits and pieces throughout the Protestant faith:

1. Martin Luther was anti-Semitic.
2. Some Protestant churches avoid the Old Testament
3. Some within the Protestant church believe Jews and Catholics will not go to Heaven.
4. I once invited a Jewish friend to a party of mine and wanted to make sure that there was kosher food she could eat.  Another Protestant Christian guest bristled and said we shouldn't have to make provisions for a Jew and their false beliefs about Kosher foods.  She can just pick what she can.  I reminded this Christian friend that Christ Jesus HIMSELF was Jewish, and a Jew who practiced His Jewish faith!
5. I am all too often "reminded" within Protestant services how Catholics are wrong, often utilizing Protestant rhetoric rather than establishing Biblical and historical facts against the catechism.
6.  Jews and Catholics are seen as "those people" outside of us.
7. Many Protestant churches seem to ignore church history, focusing mostly on the reformation onward.  To utilize the apocrypha or the Torah is considered wrong amid sola scriptura.

So, I suppose I can see, with such systematic anti-Semitism and anti-Catholicism how they can't seem to even try to understand.  Ultimately, I believe it hurts all of Christianity and gives secularism a step up.

The Catechism

All my life I have had in my hands the Holy Bible.  Growing up sola scriptura I learned that this was the only book I ever needed for my answers.  (Which seems odd to me considering the multi-million, if not billion dollar industry that is Christian self-help books among Protesantism.)  Don't get me wrong, I love the Bible, but I find it raises more questions than answers.  And forget asking Protestants to clarify.  You'll get 30,000 different interpretations!!

For years now I just wanted a book that would explain things clearly and simply and help me understand the Bible verses better and how I should live my Christian life.

I found the Catechism of the Catholic Church (second edition) at my local Goodwill for $1.99.  While I didn't expect much from it, because I am still seeking and the old tapes of doubt still continue to play in my ears concerning the Catholic Church, I can say that this is the sort of book I was looking for!

I love that it was created!  Protestants typically have a Statement of Faith, which briefly discusses core beliefs and a few verses to reference.  It takes up maybe a page, double spaced, on a website.  Everything else seems up to debate and interpretation.  I appreciate that for centuries, reaching back to the earliest we can grab to Christ's ascension, the Catholic Church sat down and established this catechism so keep the church united worldwide.  Sure, there's still human error and interpretation...we are imperfect people with varying life experiences...but for the most part, this is unifying across the world and throughout time!  The answers are there!

It isn't like the Protestant faith which has no unity.  Within the Protestant Faith are tens of thousands of denominations, and today there are splinter groups, cults, non-denoms, house churches, church splits.  Any person can start calling himself or herself a pastor, acquire some credentials somewhere, and start a church based on their opinion and interpretation of the Scripture, or not even really use Scripture at all!  Modern Protestantism has become a booming business and celebrity (ahem, Joel Olsteen).

The Catholic Church is fairly constant, which I like.  It remains an unwavering witness.  If there is Truth, it is Truth established.  It is like God, the same yesterday, today, and forever.  It isn't about my truth, or your truth, or what someone thinks is truth.  It is TRUTH!  How can Protestants, all 30,000 plus denominations, each say that have the TRUTH when it is constantly altered, changing, reinterpreted, part of people's visions and dreams, opinions, research.....changing year after year, decade after decade, century after century?

IF Catholicism is heresy and Protestantism is what Christ really established, I would think there would be more unity.

Sex and the Churches

Want to raise the hackles of Protestants?  Mention sex.  What a can of worms!  Sex in the Protesant church is subject to a wide array of interpretation and protection; from fundamentalists acting like it is a bad word and missionary-only is the way to go, all the way to those who believe premarital sex is ok so long as it isn't casual and anything goes in the marriage bed.

I was shocked, SHOCKED to learn that Christians practice sodomy and BDSM and even forms of fantasy-swinging and pornography use!  I am saddened that so many Protestants excuse the use of pornography in the forms of TV shows and movies.  Or they blame the wives for the husband's porn use.  Or the rampant entitlement Protestant men have towards the sex type and frequency they want.  On the other side of that same coin is the rampant number of Protestant women who are refusing to have sex with their husbands!

And if anyone mentions the Catholic views on sex, Protestants get really defensive. I admit, I did, too.  But, the more I read into it, the more I see the wisdom in it.

We are not entitled to sex.

Let me say that again.  We are not entitled to sex.

We are not entitled to it how we want it, when we want it, with whomever we want it with.  We are not to be slaves to those tingles in our pants.

I really am beginning to believe that the Protestant views on sex are messed up....either they believe it is a dirty necessity, or a patriarchal entitlement, or a free pass for hedonism.

I belong to several Protestant marriage groups and the men are so often angered and upset at the lack of sex in marriage. They want to know what they are entitled to while the wife is recovering from child birth.  They want to know what birth control their wives can go on so they can have all the sex they want....and then get angry when that birth control kills her sex drive, or makes sex painful for her.  They begin to despise their wives because she doesn't want to give him blow jobs all the time, or she refuses to allow him to perform anal sex on her, or she wants another child and he does not because he hates the lack of sex during the challenging times of pregnancy and infancy.  And then they have the audacity to point fingers at their wives because she isn't fulfilling his hedonistic desires, so he turns to pornography!  They'll say, "I know I'm responsible for my own sin, BUT SHE MADE ME DO IT!"  The more I read, the more hedonism I see and the more I realize I have been hedonistic, too!

They use the verse that the marriage bed is undefiled, but judging by the hurt feelings, the complaining, the bitterness, resentment, and anger towards their spouses, it certainly sounds like the marriage bed is being defiled.

Catholics hold sex in marriage to be something even more special than just the fun or duty Protestants get to have once married.  From what I understand, sex in marriage is needful and ought to be done in unity and for the possibility of procreation and not just for personal pleasure.  They also disallow masturbation for the same reasons....it is hedonistic...it is neither unifying nor a giver of life.

Husbands are required to hold their wives in high regard for her well-being.  They are required to exercise self control which makes the coming together even more blessed and more joyful than the gluttony of Protestant entitlement to sex in marriage whenever, wherever, however.  (Well, if she can't open her legs, she should at least open her mouth for me.)  In Catholicism and husband has to care for his wife's body as if it were his own, and be mindful of her cycle and the sanctity of life, both hers and their unborn children's.  Times of sexual fasting may be encouraged or required.  Sex is a gift, not a need.

I'm not saying I totally agree with Catholic teachings on sex, I can see that Protestant teachings are entering into gluttony, lust, and hedonism, and the bitterness, anger, resentment, hurt, fear, pain, rampant porn use, and even death (abortion and chemical birth control, anyone?) coming out of it is just proof positive that we are straying from God's intent.

Scott Hahn vs. David Christopher

Three days ago I listened to Dr. Scott Hahn's lecture on The Virgin Mary as Revealed in Scripture.  By the end of it I was ready to say the Hail Mary.  It was so convincing and compelling I wondered how anyone could refute it.

That's when I found David Christopher and found myself pretty much back to square one.

Both Hahn and Christopher use Scripture and texts from our early church fathers in their arguments.  I think Christopher does a better job linking the Exodus verses with the Wedding at Cana verses better than Hahn does with linking the Creation account to the Wedding at Cana verses.  What also bugs me is how can Hahn use the Creation account verses when so many Catholics don't even believe the Creation account is entirely true!?

In Hahn's support, I don't understand how Christopher can say that Mary can't be the New Eve because she was Christ's mother while Eve was Adam's wife.  I understand that the church is Christ's bride, but why not Mary as well?  Eve was also called "the mother of all living."  If we have to have so direct a parallel that wife and mother don't work, then Christ should have been burned on an alter instead of crucified.

The other hole in Hahn's argument is that the woman in Revelations with the crown of 12 stars is Mary.  How can that be Mary when the woman is travailing and pained in birthing when the Catholics believe that Mary birthed Jesus without pain and travail?  Christopher says that the woman in Revelations isn't Mary.  I have heard that the 12 stars refers to the 12 tribes of Israel.  I have heard that the woman is a complete metaphor.  There isn't a woman, really.  It's just a metaphor.

However, I still don't see how Christopher's rebuttal disproves the Catholic's beliefs on Mary.  He argued against the arguments Hahn used, but he didn't convince me that Mary isn't the Mother of God, the Queen of Heaven, and all the other roles she has within the Catholic Church.

On the other hand, I am still not completely convinced that Mary is all those things and that I can pray to her.  For me, I need to KNOW that this isn't a pagan goddess worship throwback.  That this isn't some form of idolatry.

It's just like with speaking in tongues.  Some churches believe it is downright demonic.  Well, I don't want to do anything demonic.  Just like I don't want to go to Mary if it would offend God or be against His will.

I will continue to study and continue to pray for TRUTH.  That's what I really want.

Ultimately, the other day, I actually fell into a sort of sadness over this.  I thought I was getting somewhere and I am back to square one with no clear answers.  I did realize that researching Catholicism has built me up in other ways, though and drawn me closer to God.

Some people need an encounter with Christ in order to believe in Him and sometimes God grants them that encounter.  I think I need an encounter with Mary in order to believe the Catholic doctrines on her.  Otherwise, there's just too much I am unsure of to dive in with both feet.

Pray for me.