My personal history with tongues:
I grew up in the Benny Hinn era. My siblings and I would watch him on TV just to watch people get "slain in the spirit," that is, they would often just pass out. I don't recall ever seeing a miracle of healing except in the commercials. Occasionally our AG church would host a vivacious evangelist with a big booming voice who would get upset if we didn't say amen enough who would have an alter call. The front of the church would be filled with people praying, crying, singing, and speaking in tongues. Once in a while someone would pass out after being "slain in the spirit."
I would overhear my mother speaking in tongues and listen intently to the sounds she made. As a child I found it strange. I didn't want to speak in tongues. I liked praying normally. I didn't like the emotional upheaval, the loudness, the "controlled chaos" of the AG church.
When I turned 17 and had my own car I left the AG church I grew up in and started attending a different AG church. It was smaller, quieter, more ordered. I liked it.
The "gifts of the spirit" were very manifest in that church. We regularly had tongues, prophecy, and interpretation. Were they of the Lord? I don't know. Sincere, yes, I believe they were sincere, but I found it odd that the prophecies were so similar, and often admonitions. I'd feel like, "Yeah, we ARE believing! Why are you telling us to believe or trust or have faith? We are doing that!" But, I trusted my pastor and understood that I am just a sinner, faulty human. And I certainly didn't have the Baptism of the Holy Spirit, so who was I to talk.
It got to a point that the church really began to emphasize speaking in tongues. We began to have alter calls and admonitions and teachings. We'd spend quiet time in prayer (which wasn't really quiet because all around you could hear people whispering and speaking in tongues which I found crazy-distracting) asking for the Holy Spirit to come and Baptize those who weren't baptized yet. It never came to me.
The children's church started really praying and pushing for the Baptism of the Holy Spirit with the children. It was a big deal if a child received and it would be announced to the church. Looking back I am a little concerned that this was done by the church teachers and not the parents, although largely the parents were fine with it since they agreed it was needed.
Still, I never received.
But after decades of hearing how important it is, and having a friend really push me, I began to pray for it in earnest. She sent me a CD to listen to on speaking in tongues by a popular AG preacher and teacher. I listened to it and honestly felt I needed to receive. That night I woke up at around 2 or 3 AM and started praying. I found out later that my friend woke up at the same time and started praying for me. I received!! I texted her right away and we rejoiced that I was FINALLY baptized in the Holy Spirit.
I enjoyed a sort of honeymoon period of my new-found gift, but I never really felt comfortable with it. Still, I prayed, and I did enjoy that when I didn't know how to pray or what to pray about, I could just pray in tongues and let the Holy Spirit do the praying for me. It was pretty cool, too, to be able to tell people (especially those who don't believe in speaking in tongues) that I could pray in tongues. It was sort of fun to shock those who thought it was demonic. It can't be demonic because I am doing it! And I love Jesus and have been a Christian my whole life!
Questions came up, though. First of all, it bugged me that I didn't know what I was saying. I thought that the Holy Spirit would at least give me an inclination as to what the context of the prayer was. Nope. I just spoke on without knowing a single thing.
When I would ask what tongues actually was I was given a couple of ideas: 1. It is the language of Heaven or 2. It is the original language before Babal confused the languages. These were just ideas, though. Not concrete doctrine. 1 Cor 13:1 "If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels..."
If we are to have interpretation of tongues when prayed out loud, then why weren't we as individuals given an interpretation or understanding?
I asked my friend this question: Why do I just keep repeating the same sounds or "words?" My tongues didn't sound like her more fluid unknown language that actually sounded like she was saying something in a foreign tongue. Mine just sounded like babbling. She explained that because I was new to tongues I was like a baby learning a language. Babies babble and use the same words over and over before they develop a better speech. She said hers has evolved over the years.
I thought back to listening to my mother and I remember hearing a lot of repeated sounds. Maybe we're just saying "Praise Jesus, thank you Jesus" over and over again? I don't know. The not knowing really bothered me to the point where if I was praying in tongues my mouth would be going, but my brain would be questioning. And if I was divided like that, how could I be being Baptized in the Holy Spirit? I was taught that it was a take-over of sorts. Voluntary in that we allow the Holy Spirit to come in, but involuntary in that the Holy Spirit is supposed to be taking over our faculties, but not to a point where we can't voluntarily retract.
Currently, we are attending a Baptist church as a family, so of course, tongues is not allowed. I think I quietly prayed in tongues once there. While there is a Catholic Charismatic movement, I have not heard good things about it. It seems more chaotic and divided than it is within the Pentecostal movement. So, I don't pray in tongues much anymore. If I do, it is during prayer out of habit.
Yesterday, I listened to Fr. Ripperger's message on tongues here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pc0UwaF6FJQ
The fact that I am allowing myself to be open to a spiritual overtaking of sorts AND not knowing what in the world I am actually saying while under such influence really started bothering me. Sure, my heart and my direction and my motives are for the Holy Spirit, alone, but it still gives me pause. Overall, I can honestly say I have never felt peace during or after or from speaking in tongues. I usually feel disquieted and strange. Even before yesterday I had my doubts, but of course, being raised Pentecostal I wasn't supposed to have doubts. It showed my lack of faith, which was probably why I felt weird about speaking in tongues....I wasn't giving myself fully to the Holy Spirit. I was letting the enemy creep in with doubts, etc...... hashtag faceplant-on-desk.
Today, I prayed out loud (in my native tongue) that I only want God's Truth. I said that if speaking in tongues is for real, then I give the Holy Spirit permission to overtake me, even if I resist, and make me speak in tongues. I need to know for sure. Perhaps that was a dangerous prayer, but our religious leaders, pastors, etc are so divided on this issue and I have decades of teachings for it in a religion that is largely against it.
I did feel like I could start speaking in tongues out of habit. I could start right now if I wanted to. But I did NOT feel at all the Holy Spirit (or any spirit for that matter) taking over and compelling me to speak in tongues.
Honestly, I am still not convinced one way or the other. I am still open to either way. But I am ONLY open to the Truth. May the Lord direct my path.
Hello Kate,
ReplyDeleteI am glad to assist your learning experience. The doctrine of glossalalia is what you referred to, better known as "speaking in tongues" in the Pentecostal circles. Now, their definition of this act is loosely derived from Acts 2:2-4. In the KJV, the verses state that "there came a sound from heaven as of a rushing mighty wind, and it filled all the house where they were sitting. And there appeared unto them cloven tongues like as of fire, and it sat upon each of them. And they were all filled with the Holy Ghost, and began to speak with other tongues as the Spirit gave them utterance." Now, take notice that the following verses 6-8 indicate the meaning of "tongues" as being somewhat metaphorical in the sense that the speakers spoke various languages that were understandable by people who spoke those languages. In other words, they did not sporadically ramble gibberish: incomprehensible rambling.
When we observe a Pentecostal evangelical person performing glossalalia, the person is usually being provoked to push the self internally for a sudden urge to speak random things that have no communicable meaning that could benefit the speaker or the hearers. Instead, what the speaker is really experiencing is a sudden rush of endorphins provoked by constant demands to push one's self to speak gibberish and then believe that the nonsensical ranting is a manifestation of the Holy Spirit.
Unfortunately, unless you are able to decipher between humanly constructed experiences versus actual numinosums of God, it is very easy to blindly believe what others tell you who claim that these experiences are really divine. Now, in order for any doctrine to be valid, it must be universal. It also must align with all Scripture, not just some verses loosely interpreted in order to justify one's subjective interpretation. Anyone who uses Acts 2 alone to justify his or her claim of gibberish as being divine has committed eisegesis, Scriptural violence, and ignorance of God's character. God does not influence others to speak gibberish for the sake of one's desire to feel endorphin rushes. Our current world of Christians has too many followers who worship a god of extremely individualistic worship that is rooted in personal preferences, entertainment, and rebellion. If you examine Acts 2 closely, then you will see how Luke used certain phrases to give descriptive explanations of the accounts he recorded. Some folks like to interpret verses 2-3 literally as if they actually spoke random words from their tongues without care of comprehension. Anyone who reads those verses that way, again, has not performed careful exegesis.
When we study 1 Corinthians 14, we notice that St. Paul clearly denounced such teachings about tongue-speaking. The entire chapter is focused on mindful practice. In verse 23, he stated "if therefore the whole church be come together into one place, and all speak with tongues, and there come in those that are unlearned or unbelievers, will they not say that ye are mad?" In other words, the very non-comprehensive nature of random gibberish being spoken by everyone at one time can only scare others into thinking that Christians are actually crazy. After all, "if I pray in an unknown tongue, my spirit prayeth but my understanding is unfruitful" (1 Corinthians 14:14).
Therefore, you are right to question your experiences. God leads others to fruitful experiences that stretch their understandings about various things. Keep learning and discovering! God bless you, amen.