My Encounters with Mary

Despite being baptized Catholic, I consider myself more of a convert than a revert since I spent the vast majority of my life as an evangelical. Perhaps the biggest hurdle for most converts to get over in Catholic theology is Mary, especially for those of us who were taught that Mary was just a simple, sinful young woman no different than any of the rest of us. The idea of Mary being who the Catholic Church says she is is very foreign. Accepting and even embracing Marian theology is frightening, too, because we are taught it is idolatry and we could be cast into hell for it (the branch of evangelicalism I was a part of did not believe in "once saved, always saved.")

I am no stranger to these thoughts and fears. When I prayed my first Rosary, I begged God to forgive me and show me if indeed I was sinning. I prayed to God to show me the Truth. I asked Mary that if she is as the Catholic Church says she is to reveal herself to me. These are the three times she did:

1. The first time occured early on in my Rosary prayer life. I was getting a lot of phone calls and phone interruptions during my working hours as I listened to podcasts or audiobooks while I worked. I decided to take some time to pray the rosary while I worked, but I had a condition, that if the Rosary is true and I am not sinning to pray it, then there would be NO interruptions on the my phone while I prayed (I was still learning the Rosary, so I prayed along to a youtube audio on my phone). I even chose a longer rosary audio. You can choose from audio anywhere from 15 minutes to half an hour long. Well, no interruption came that entire rosary. I remember my heart pounding as I neared the end the prayer, just waiting, almost willing for an interruption to come on my phone. None came.

Now, you may brush that off as coincidence. I pretty much did. I just packed it away for future reference, possible evidence in my case for or against Mary.

2. The second time happened due to a clogged toilet. I have a child who has great skill in clogging toilets. I had been at the plunger for 2 HOURS! I had tried various hacks to no avail. It was late at night and I was exhausted, but the blockage would not budge. For whatever reason I felt compelled to say a Hail Mary, and I did. Immediately, the clog unclogged!

Another coincidence? Perhaps. I messaged a Catholic friend and she rejoiced with me, assuring me that Mary is there and cares. Again, I filed this incident away.

3. This third occasion happened recently and was the most profound. I had been sick for weeks with an allergy-induced ear and tube infection as well as fatigue and brain fog so great I had a hard time concentrating on much of anything. It was really affecting my life as a wife, mother, and homeschool teacher. I was tired of it all one evening, and not even really praying officially, just sort of meditating on my sick of being sick. I "heard" quite clearly from Mary that if I prayed a Rosary in the morning, she would be there and heal me. I got excited. I mean, I got really excited! I told Mary that I would pray first thing and believed I would be healed. Indeed, I was healed when I woke up, even before I prayed the Rosary, but I truly felt her presence and prayed the Rosary as I promised I would. I haven't experienced that since. It was as if she was THERE, actually THERE with me that morning, as opposed to the general "presence" of the saints per God's grace.

I've felt Christ's presence in such a way many times before. I've experienced the Holy Spirit in profound ways, but never Mary before this. I don't think I could ever go back to thinking she isn't as the Catholic Church says she is. I can't explain away what I experienced any more than I can explain away how I know Christ is who He truly is.

I NEEDED to know that Mary is real. The anti-Mary indoctrination of my upbringing was that infused in me. I needed Mary, herself. And she came to me.

But, I Did Pray!

We were warned to pray, and to especially pray the Rosary.

Despite election results not being finalized, yet, I think a lot of Catholics are dismayed at the results so far. So many of us prayed: daily Rosaries, novenas, Adoration. We joined our evangelical brothers and sisters. We called upon our Patroness of America, the Immaculate Conception. Preserve us!!

I have heard from lay Catholics and pulpits alike that America fractured its founding and faithfulness because we became lazy in our faith, or left it behind all together. Indeed, I do believe this is true! For quite some time that error has been preached about and we've been called to prayer, especially to the Rosary once again. But, it leaves those faithful to praying wondering why their prayers aren't "working."

When are enough Rosaries enough to change the world? Am I praying enough? Is it because not enough Catholics are praying? Why am I wielding a sword of prayer, but not striking down any enemies? Why are answers not coming, or coming opposite of what I pray?

Even frustrated religious have admonished those who are praying that it isn't enough. It begins to fall into superstition and scrupulosity. This is something I ran away from in Evangelicalism, the idea that enough isn't enough.

When I was Assembly of God, we expected our effectual fervent prayers to accomplish much. We expected miracles and prophecies and changed hearts. While they refuted the health and wealth "gospel," enough of it seeped in that they did expect it. My family and I went through years of hardship and members of the church began the interrogation of whether or not the elusive "enough" to merit God's grace and favor (meaning, our chosen answer to our prayers) had been accomplished. To them, so long as we suffered, we were coming up short. We weren't praying enough. We weren't tithing enough. We weren't repentant of our sins enough. We didn't have enough faith. It was because my husband wasn't speaking in tongues, yet. Even a church deacon came up to my husband and I and said, "I don't understand why you're still going through this, because I'm praying."

I would cry out and agonize to God that I didn't know what else He wanted from me. It became a checklist where I'd check off every box only to have another appear. It was never enough. Then, we would face judgement and condemnation from the church in the method of them trying to figure out what those unchecked boxes were. I asked a local "on fire" evangelist and he basically said, "you're doing everything right (meaning: everything he told us to do during his crusade in our church). I don't know why God isn't answering your prayers."

This is why I am very wary of anyone in Catholicism harping on those who are praying that their prayers aren't enough because our desired results haven't come about.

What if our prayed-for Trump doesn't win? What if our prayed-for battle against abortion only sees abortion increase?

I had posted before that this is a wheat and chaff time in the Church. I stand by that statement. I also believe that the Bible says it will get worse in the world. It will get worse, but the Remnant of the Church will get stronger. The Holy Catholic Church was perhaps strongest during the eras of the most prosecution. I don't mean politically or economically the strongest. I mean faithfully the strongest.

As our nation and world become more polarized, so will our Church. We already see it with a sort of modernist church and the so-called "Rad Trads." We have a portion of Catholics who want to move forward in the flow of the changing world, even to the point of women "priests" (women can't be priests. They may wear the vestments and go through the motions, but they will not be valid in the eyes and power of God, thus any Masses done by them will be false, and any Eucharist will just be snack time.) We have a portion of the Church that wants to rebuild the strength and faith of the traditional Church. That chasm between the two will only widen.

That doesn't mean that our prayers aren't being answered. If the faith of the true Catholic Church increases, even if just among the few faithful, that is answered prayer. We've ridden the comfortable wave of an overall Christianized culture. Now, that comfort is being put to the test. Wheat (true Catholics who actually believe in the dogma) or chaff (cultural Catholics who do not believe in the dogma).

Keep on praying. Pray faithfully. But, also pray that your eyes will be opened to the answering of the prayers and the workings of the Lord where it isn't blatantly obvious. After all, the suffering and questioning of the beliefs of the Assembly of God Church helped put me on the path Home to Rome.